As a young woman who has grown up with my teen years being consumed by the wonders and terrors of social media; it’s pretty safe to say I have had dreams of being a youtube star. Phenomenal beauty blogger. With my own makeup range. Practically Zoella. Don’t fight it.
Like so many young people of my generation I’ve tried my hand at blogging and creating online content. Mostly because I enjoyed the process of creating something. I’ve always been that person who is doing some project to keep busy, the curse of a restless mind. However, I also joined the online blogging world because it seemed like a community and let’s get real for a moment here, I’ve never necessarily been the person always accepted by the masses, so for me I was all about feeling like I belonged to something. Even if no one was reading/watching my posts. And they weren’t. Unless you include people who wanted to ridicule me, my best friend Charlotte (hello friend – I know you’re reading this), or my Mum.
As I grew older, finished school and didn’t have to interact with numerous humans on a day to day basis, I became more dependent on this online community. It kept me company whilst I cleaned, entertained me when I was relaxing in bed and helped me feel as though I was not alone as I was.
This is all sounding a bit confessional. I promise it’s not. My blogging career didn’t amount to anything. But please keep reading. I’ll stop pestering you now. Okay. On with the narrative.
Towards the end of 2014 I bought a fancy camera and decided to make youtube videos. Now this hadn’t been my first stint at being a content creator (I’m trying to make myself feel better here by giving myself that title.) There are some absolutely cringe-worthy videos my sister and family friend made back in the summer of 2007, luckily those videos will never see the light of day. I also decided to make “hilarious” – they were not hilarious, in case you missed the memos – videos in 2009 with my laptop’s webcam. Needless to say, the whole school saw them. Mockery ensued.
I was mortified at the time. Why didn’t anyone understand my passion and humour? Alas, I deleted the videos and went on with life as a mere boring civilian.
As I said earlier, I started to make videos again. This time they were in relation the beauty community that, at the time, I did love. However, these videos seemed to lack something. Authenticity.
Now, when I say this I mean that it didn’t feel like my heart was in it. I was so conscious of not trying to come across as fake that I, indeed, came across as fake.
I was also writing a blog in relation to beauty products which was great practice, as I am a journalism student and I hadn’t really flexed my writing skills in a public forum. So, I honestly do not regret anything. Although, once again, they lacked authenticity. I was writing/filming content to please the masses and not myself which should have been my number one priority.
However, my whole point is that, I am now writing this blog. And yes, with authenticity.
I plan on writing and sharing thoughts on topics that truly interest me, or I have a valid opinion on. Hopefully, dear reader, you’ll find it valid too. I plan on writing about some of the crazy things and people I have encountered; I am a magnet for strange humans so there are some cracking tales to share. I just plan on being myself. My authentic self. Candidly Jackie.
For more regular posts from me you can follow my Twitter: @jackieturnerx